1 - Being Steph

Full transcript available at: https://www.stephanieolegario.com/podcasts/plan-be/episodes/2148070696

Contact Stephanie here: [email protected]


Who is Stephanie?
Why Plan Be and Why is it Important?
What is a People Pleaser?


So growing up my whole life in terms of that part. It was hard to straddle both worlds. you know. It's like..living in between two different types of cultures, the Canadian culture…what is it like to be Canadian enough in how to navigate this society and just being here and then coming home and then juggling. What is it like to be, Filipino? What does it mean to be Filipino enough?

Coming in as a second generation Canadian. I was raised that hard work was the most important thing. It was so important to work hard with your grades at school, being busy doing other stuff and then eventually having multiple jobs.

It makes you feel inadequate, and whatever you're doing is never enough.

And growing up really with the pressure as a woman, as I'm trying to navigate my body image. having the pressure of being either too skinny or too fat, and nothing was good enough either. so the whole concept of not being good enough. using fear, shame, and guilt to fuel me to become the person that I was, you know, in my 20 s. And 30 s.

Because I was trying to feel validated by somebody because other places in my life. I didn't feel acknowledged or seen or heard, so you know, when you feel unworthy, you end up getting into toxic relationships, hoping that that person would give you that thing you actually needed.

And I remember some nights when I know they didn't want to go to one of the jobs. I stay up as late as I can just to hold on. You know, to that piece of freedom before I go to that place where I feel like my soul is being crushed

It's funny when you sit down and recall. You know exactly what you've been through, because we're so focused on thinking about the future. Maybe we dwell on the past, but we never really sit down. And look how far we've come.

I mean, everybody's good at putting on a face but deep within me. I couldn't feel.

I couldn't feel sadness and just felt numb

I had this deep. deep resentment…And I remember growing up. growing up and learning what resentment to other people was, and even having resentment to them when that other person was just living their life. I had to change. I've been following this plan that wasn't even mine trying to just do the right thing. work and work and work.

I realize that I'm addicted to work. I know, I know…even with 100 hour workweeks

I'm going to learn about digital marketing. Maybe this is going to be my ticket to not having to have 3 jobs ordered the wrong book, the completely wrong book

She was saying that she was barely surviving. She was drowning, and no one can see it. And that resonated with me so hard. Gosh! I was like so this is it? What do I need to do right now with my life and take the reins?

But in that moment you can see that the signs are there. the signs to where to go. what to do. how to get there unfold on its own. I've been nudged and nudged and pointed around. and then it happened without me even thinking where I could be right now. where I didn't know the days of the week, and seeing my future from that time, because it was so stuck to being able to be here now and talking to you.

I lost connection with myself, which is why I couldn't feel.

Why can't we get back to age 6, where we believe that we could do anything where we had dreams and aspirations, and felt so much emotion that we could express it freely, instead of shutting it down, swallowing it. And that's really what it is. It's reconnecting to the true essence of you. Finding who you are, because you know that you don't know who you are. you know you don't know what you like, but really, if you go back and you witness, and you see that little spark of you still there.

Because, you know, we've been holding on to so many things for so long. We're so weighed down by these burdens of things that we don't even need to hold on to. We have to hide how we truly feel. We have to hide a lot of aspects about ourselves, things that we geek out on like, you know, we're so shameful of things. We're so shameful for loving ourselves.

Who are you trying to please? Are you trying to please them as they've already passed? Did you take on their voices to help puts the pressure on you even when there's no pressure around.

People pleasers tend to be empathic, to wear their heart on their sleeve. They say a little bit more sensitive, you know. we just have so much love. and we just want to feel accepted, seen, and heard.

Find home within ourselves...that feeling that we can validate ourselves, give ourselves love, security, safety, all from within. And that's what plan Be is all about to reconnect with that spark. grow that spark into that flame. Live yourselves like your lives, really, truly connected with your true essence, of who you are

And it's about not about material things. because you can probably talk to a lot of people. They'll say, Oh, yeah, my life is so great. I love money, I love spending money, I love buying my things and my toys and my things, but if I sat down and talked to them and asked them. Are you truly happy from within? Do you love yourself? Not your stuff?

So how could I feel true bliss and joy and happiness in my life if I can't even feel sadness, pain, and hurt. You still have to learn how to feel and let it flow.



Does this resonate with you? Let me know.

Please email me with any episode topics that you would like to hear about or feedback at [email protected]