4 - Be Worthy: Allowing the Good Stuff to Flow

Full transcript available at: https://www.stephanieolegario.com/podcasts/plan-be/episodes/2148171118

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Why is feeling worthy a problem?
What happens as w result?
What to do to feel more self-worth?



And it's just how could I allow the good stuff to come if I haven't done enough?



Am I seen as worthy? Do I seem to be seen as valuable so as a child if a 99 wasn't good enough. That means I wasn't worthy or deserving of praise or celebration.



You feel guilty when you start to feel like you have high self worth like.



Somebody is coming in and going, oh, I am worthy of, you know the universal abundance, riches and wealth and freedom, and all these things, and then people are like. Are you sure you are? I mean, there's so many people suffering in the world. Who are you? Who are you to say that? Right? So then you start to feel guilty for wanting more to allow good stuff to happen



Because we have to repay the debts of our parents. We have to give back to them. We're not deserving of their love because they've done more than we could ever ask them for to come here, and we have that in the back of our mind, right? So we will feel guilty if we start to give ourselves something good.



We feel guilty to have that opportunity because things have been handed to us a bit easier



So it's just who am I to receive this good thing when other people can't.



He would always want to remind me how lucky I was to have someone like him to stick around with a person like me.



Those toxic relationships really damage a person's self-esteem. Because if you're fortunate enough to get out of that toxic relationship. You're gonna come out broken. so battered, broken down. And then you're gonna look in that lens and be like, no, no one's gonna want me. And then we hold on to those toxic relationships because you start to believe it, because your self-worth is so low.



A parental figure making you feel like you're not deserving of love or not worthy of being a part of their life like you were a mistake.



I'm 6 years old. My mom and dad don't love me. They wish they never had me. How could a child recover from that?



I am very well reminded about all the things that people want to put on me. My labels.



I'm from Canada. I was born here, but, like just from my like, my ethnicity, my ancestry. I'm invisible.



How could a woman feel themselves as being worthy at an organization or a workplace. if they're not even regarded as equal



You're looking at me as if the woman is the best part to save money for your organization.



But like I've had some shit happen to me in all my workplaces because of my sexual orientation. It's no wonder I was always jumping in and out of the closet all the time, or just didn't feel like it was relevant for people to know and not standing around waving a flag, being very proud



How can a woman. you know, like a fem lesbian woman person of color, right? Feel some sort of self-worth when you're constantly bombarded with all of this. It's hard enough to be strong already given, you know, an upbringing that wasn't so great. But literally we're on a battlefield every day just trying to be. How could I even feel myself as being deserving of all these other things when it's so hard with, you know the childhood upbringing, feeling guilty for wanting more. You know, toxic relationships that just kick you to the curb and make you feel like shit. And then you have these societal influences of of people just treating you these ways because of all these labels.



What happens to you is that you really don't trust anything like you know that saying it's like, if it's too good to be true, it probably isn't. That's like literally your jam, like your whole life.



I hate the fucking saying, it is what it is, and I will talk about it all day, like I used to date somebody whose motto was just, It is what it is, and I'm like, fuck me. I am not going to live my life accepting stuff that I can change. So when people are so beat down and feeling worthless in their life. That's going to be their mantra.



You want to push them away because you're just scared of getting hurt because you've been hurt your whole life, and you can't deal with it anymore. because nothing good can come into your life again.



It’s  so much easier for us to deliberately sabotage something that's good and push them away than to allow us to be vulnerable and allow things to flow. because there's no certainty in that right… It'd be easier for me to be angry with them than for me to allow myself to be vulnerable with the chances of being hurt again.



But then, when I responded to her, I said, I've never been someone's priority. I'm going to let this sink in because I want to feel me saying that for a second, and I want you to say it too. if you feel that same way.



when I think about like family stuff, or sometimes with friends, or like people that have come and gone. And then it's just like I don't know if I've ever been important to somebody. Until I met her I was always parked behind somebody else's wants and needs.



how could you feel worthy or deserving if no one has ever thought of you as important?



Sometimes some people need to see it either through actions or words. and people need to feel like they matter. and it's not about external validation. It's just that sense of knowing, you know.



It's so hard. When you are beaten down, you are like hurt from so many people, and then, when that person or people come into your life, and they're so great, and they're genuinely good. It's still a journey for you to allow them to do that.



Because we are the gatekeepers and we're stopping from this good flow to happen



We just might be holding ourselves back from something that's so transformational in our life. You don't have to perpetuate this. this abuse that you've been experienced your whole life like where you felt like you were unworthy, and you were told that you weren't worthy. You can be the person who brings that worth into your life.



Because this is your life. Do you want to choose to live, you know. of another decade in this prison that we create for ourselves.



Does this resonate with you? Let me know.

Please email me with any episode topics that you would like to hear about or feedback at [email protected]